"Living is like tearing through a museum.

Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering - because you can't take it in all at once."

~Audrey Hepburn

This is my wish for blogging.
That I can look back and see that as a teenager, I learned things. That I tried different things, I can remember what I felt..
This quote, made me really think.
About what the heck I am doing hiding myself on my own blog. 
So today, I'm writing.
About me.
Hiding nothing.
except maybe names. :)
Living in my writings. So when I am old and grey. I can absorb what I saw, and hopefully get a good laugh. Because let's face it, that's what everyone needs.
I have realized things about myself lately.
That I am not defined by what I appear to be.
Things or who I am 'seen with'.
I got so wrapped up in that crap for the longest time.
Now that I'm done tearing through that museum, I can quit thinking of how terrible this Summer is going to be, because all of the friends I thought I had decided that I 'used them'.
I can quit thinking of reasons why I wont say what I am thinking on my own blog knowing that some of them might read it.
I can quit thinking the words I thought of them because in reality none of it matters.
None. I do admit I am still bitter about things, but I can't pretend like I didn't see any of this coming because I did.
When people started changing is when I knew.
I knew people were fake, and still are actually.
People are insecure.
They don't know who they are.
Not saying that I do, but they have no clue.
So they act like everyone else. Fit in. good idea. ;)
for you.
Not me. I am going to be who I am.
Not sugar coating it to anyone.
Which I'm sure you already knew that.
I've never been the type to sugar coat anything. Ever.
I tell you like it is.
That you can count on.
Consistency, is kind of my thing.
While you're fake to everyone you talk trash on, I'll just stick to being me.
I'll smile at the blank space where your fake yearbook entry was going to be.
And be proud.
Prideful a sense that even though we don't have the friendship we did. I stuck to my values, I never did or said anything I regret. Never gave up on who I was to please someone.
The one thing I do regret is trying to fix things with you and trying to be the best friend that I could be because now that all is said and done. You never were that type of friend.
And you sit back in your chair while you may (or may not) be reading this. You won't comment. you'll leave it alone, because really what will you say?
Sorry I was such a....
Sorry that I....
No you won't apologize, you will just sit on your arrogance thinking you have it all. I'm excited to see when graduation eventually rolls around, none of it will matter. That day will beautiful, because maybe if not you. Someone somewhere will get a big reality check.
And high school won't matter, life will.
Things will turn out differently, while you quote this, and assume that.
in the end..
"Living is like tearing through a museum. not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw"